MEET ZAHRA

My name is Zahra and I am 60 years old. My husband and I are from the countryside of Aleppo in Syria. Before the war, we had a very good life. My husband had a shop where he worked and where he taught his children and other people mechanics. But because of this war, we had to flee and we lost everything.

More than our home and shop, we lost 22 of our relatives, who died in the war. One of them was our own son. It broke our hearts to lose him, and my husband couldn’t handle the shock of it. He became very depressed and developed health issues too. He and I are both sick with diabetes and high blood pressure. It only gets worse with time, to the point that we had to take my husband to the hospital. Right now, he cannot use his legs anymore and he also needs oxygen. He is not doing well at all.

Other than the son we lost, we have five sons: one is still in Syria and has three children, and four are here in Lebanon with us. We also have our daughter Dalia here, and three daughters in Turkey, that we haven’t been able to see for more than 10 years. It pains me a lot, but at the same time, God has compensated me with my daughters in law which I consider like my own daughters.

Two of my daughters in law, my daughter, and myself, have all been learning at the church’s education center. It is our third year now, and it has been an amazing journey. None of us had had an opportunity to study before that.

I personally had only studied until grade 3 in Syria because my family didn’t think it was important for me to learn as a woman. When we first arrived in Lebanon because of the war, my daughter was five years old. We didn’t enroll her in school because we were still in shock of what we went through. 22 of our direct relatives were killed, and we were still processing what happened and grappling with the trauma of it. We were very much in shock; we weren’t sure of how things would develop and were still hoping to go back to Syria at any moment.

But when our daughter reached eight years old, and we felt there was still no chance to go back to Syria, we enrolled her in the public school in Lebanon. After about four years, she still hadn’t learnt much, she was very weak, and her father and I were afraid for her and didn’t want her to keep going. Thank God, we later met Miss Hala from the education center and got this chance to register here as older girls and women. My daughter didn’t know anything, but since then, miss Hala took her under her wing and she’s doing great.

My daughter-in-law Amina didn’t even know how to write the word “dad” when she first started coming to the center, because she was six or seven years old when the war started and she never got the chance to go to school. She was only 13 years old when her parents married her to my son and she came with us from Syria to Lebanon. Since then, she still hasn’t had children. She hasn’t seen her parents since and she is very affected by it. The rest of her family went to Turkey. I raised her like my own daughter, to the extent my own daughter maybe got a little jealous of her! Now look at her, she is doing great in the center and she is thriving!

Coming to the center changed our lives. Everyone is amazing here! It brings me relief from the pressure I have at home. They tell me I am a good student which motivates me to do even better!

The activities and psychosocial support we get with Miss Lina on Fridays are also amazing. We usually arrive very stressed and depressed, and we end up singing, laughing, and having a wonderful time. We go back home with our hearts full of joy. We love the atmosphere and we made good friends from the community.

Besides the Friday PSS activities, we can also make an individual appointment to talk to the counselor during the week. When I’m feeling really stressed out, when my heart feels heavy like a mountain, I go sit with the counsellor and I tell her everything that is in my heart and I cry like a baby. It is difficult but I leave feeling lighter and physically relaxed.

Lately I haven’t been able to come every time, because my husband is sick and needs oxygen. It has been two weeks. I miss coming here terribly. But thank God the teachers didn’t abandon me, they check on me and send me the lessons and some homework too. I get it all done consciously because I want to be the best in the class! When I think of it, I like being the best in everything! I’m the type of person who, even though I’m under a lot of pressure, loves life.

I feel so much stronger since I started coming to the center. Definitely, coming here strengthened me like I didn’t think I could be strengthened.

Today, life remains challenging. My sons can barely find work. One day they have work, then two days they don’t, and they can’t provide well for their families. Several of us are sick as well and we can’t afford the medication, which leads to more issues and complications. At the same time, moving back to Syria is not an option. There are still a lot of problems there and the future of the country is very uncertain. Our home is gone and most of our relatives died, we are still traumatized. Today, we feel like we found safety in Lebanon. The amazing people in the center makes us feel like Lebanon is a home country to us.

Zahra and two of her daughters-in-law in a group PSS session, holding signs meaning (from left to right) “healing”, “trust”, “strength”, “hope”